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motherhood

Wow!  I was just looking at my last post and realized that it has been a very long time since I’ve written a blog!  I have to be honest, there have been some very major changes in my life and I’ve been a bit overwhelmed.

Today I want to talk to my fellow moms.  We understand each other on a level that no one else will ever be able to.  I’m relatively certain that we’ve all gone through similar struggles.  If my words today can help even one of you, then my job is done!

It goes without saying that the single biggest joy in my life are my children.  From the moment they moved in my belly, I was in love.  Possibly even before then.  I also know that being a mom is quite possibly the hardest job in the world.  As I’ve said before, I have 4 children.  My step son is 20 and not living here at the house.  The three that are still here under this very tiny roof are 10, 8 and 5.  My children are very busy little people.  The boys just finished fall baseball (insert BIG sigh of relief) and my daughter is in cheer and chorus.  That doesn’t sound like much for her, I know.  But let’s keep in mind that she’s 8 and being in cheer doesn’t mean just the 2 nights a week practices that she has!  It means tumbling classes, private tumbling lessons, stunt lessons…the list goes on.  I honestly thought All Star Cheer would be less hectic than Rec, but I now realize it’s more so, I just get to be inside rather than outside in the hot Florida summer!

So let’s talk about my current struggles.  My amazing husband, in an effort to better our lives, took a new job.  The biggest caveat to this job?  He is out of state 4 to 5 days a week.  During baseball I thought I was going to have a nervous breakdown.  My daughter’s practices and my sons’ games couldn’t all fall neatly onto my calendar.  We had some doubling up.  I thank God every day for my mother in law that came over every single week to help me.Through baseball I had to deal with my 10 year old feeling sad that he is not as good of an athlete as my 5 year old.  As much as I try to tell him that not every boy is athletic, he still felt bad.  He did his very best, bless his heart, but will not be returning for Spring Ball.  We’re going to try something else for him.  We’re having school struggles this year, and although I would love to blame common core for all of it, I know that isn’t true.  But what is a mother to do when the teacher tells me that he isn’t paying attention and he comes home crying that he was, but they just thought he wasn’t.  I already have him on medication for his ADHD and this year it just doesn’t seem to be helping.  As a result, his grades are suffering.  I cry inside and sometimes outside because I just don’t know what to do!  I’m at the point that I am going to go observe his class to figure out what the problem is!  I can think of no other viable solutions!  He informed me that since he is punished from TV and video games until his grades improve, that he doesn’t live in a house, he lives in a prison.

So let’s move on to my daughter.  Heaven help me, but I am not a fan of the age of 8!  My former sweet little princess has turned into a headstrong, stubborn teenager way before her time!  Her favorite past time is NOT listening to me at all.  I think I’ve begged and/or bribed her to clean her room every day for about a month and it just gets worse.  So tomorrow I will be making good on my threat to clean her room myself while she is at school and believe me she is NOT going to be a happy camper.  New rule…if it’s on the floor when you go to school…it’s in the trash!  Time to stop being friends for a minute and be a mom.  I know you know exactly what I mean.  It kills me to have to be “MOM” but she’s forced me into it!  She’ll hate me for about 10 minutes and then all will be well again.  But that 10 minutes will be torture for me!

And finally my 5 year old.  Unfortunately, since he was VERY premature and spent the first 7 weeks of his life in the NICU (even though he was born 12 weeks early), I have spoiled and babied him.  He is speech delayed, but is in a regular kindergarten class.  He receives speech services.  He is currently an honor roll student and I couldn’t be prouder.  So, what’s the problem you ask?  He’s very whiny has “has to be first” syndrome. Yes, I made that up!  It is a struggle that his teacher has and a struggle that I have.  Although I will admit.  There is improvement.

All of this I deal with mostly on my own because of my husband’s work schedule.  And now we come to the reason for this topic.  I broke down today.  I sat in my office and just cried.  I cried for the simpler times when my kids were younger and all they wanted to do was please.  I cried for my lack of ability to figure out how to help these little people that depend on me for everything.  I cried for a time when schoolwork was actually something I was capable of helping with before it got so complicated.  And I cried for me.  Because I’m alone more often than not and I have no one to lean on until the weekend appears.  I’m here to tell you that it’s okay!  It’s okay to feel overwhelmed.  It’s okay to feel frustrated.  And it’s okay to cry!  I’m also here to tell you that once you get in that really good cry, pull up your big girl panties and figure out what the hell you are going to do about it!  I have lived in a constant state of depression lately and everything has suffered.  My kids, my house, my business.  So tonight, while I was writing this, I decided that it’s time to just figure it out.  Why?  Because I’m a mom and that’s what I do!  People tell me all of the time that I’m Super Mom…I can promise you that I struggle the same as the rest of you.

So until next time…I’ll be here…figuring it all out!!

xoxo mothers

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I never used to believe things happened for a reason…………

Until today!  People tell you that all of the time.  Everything happens for a reason.  Normally I would give them a side eye and pretend to agree.  But if I’m being completely honest with you, and myself actually, I firmly believed that life was a series of random events that shaped us into who we are.  I still believe that the events in our lives make us who we are, but maybe they aren’t so random.

So what made today different than most days?  An experience that I had this morning!  As most of you know, I am currently on the MediFast diet, which in the weight loss phase is very strict.  So with the exception of my trip to Toronto (UH-MAZING TRIP BTW!)…I haven’t been to Starbucks since I started.  Most of you don’t know me, except for what you read here, but I am a Starbucks addict.  Ok…coffee in general (as I sit here with my nightly cup in hand!)  And believe me when I tell you, my Starbucks visits are loaded with calories (Venti Double Shot White Chocolate Mocha with Whipped Cream..ahem!). So I’ve been avoiding.  And what makes it worse is that I pass it 4 times a day taking my kids to camp and picking them up!  I promise I do have a point here that is not related to my caffeine addiction!

This morning, I really wanted some Starbucks.  Having it again in Toronto made it worse!  So my plan was to stop and get a non fat latte with 2 splendas.  As I got closer, I was concerned about my ability to have any willpower AT ALL and I drove past.  It then became a mission.  I was going to Starbucks and I WAS GOING TO BEHAVE! So I did a u-turn and headed back.  Into the drive thru I go…I order my non fat latte with a double shot (ok..ok!) and head to the window.  There have been times where I have paid for the person behind me in line.  Today was one of those days.  I paid for the car behind me and moved on.  Never expected to hear another thing about it.

Obviously you realize that I’m telling you this for a reason.  I got home and sat down at my computer to do some work.  And I get a private message on Facebook from a friend with a screenshot.  The screenshot was of a post in a group that she was in, thanking the person in the car in front of her for paying for her order this morning.  That her day had been hectic already.  She was surprised so she paid for the guy behind her.  She remembered the Pampered Chef logo on the back on my truck and was very close on remembering my name! So my friend asked if that was me!

Normally, I probably would have smiled and moved on.  But I messaged the person in the car behind me to thank her for her sweet words.  She asked me for the link to my Facebook page and I have gotten quite a few new fans and some very lovely posts and messages all day!  So I asked myself.  Who would I have been in front of if I hadn’t passed it first.  Or why did I turn around and go back at all!  I may not know the reason right now, but I KNOW that I landed in front of her because there is some kind of plan.

It made me think of some other events in my life that I thought random.  I’m going to take two that stand out right now.  And I’ve talked about Heather before.  I’m going to talk about her again now.  She comes to mind immediately, probably because I just took a trip to Toronto with her and I’m talking to her right now. LOL  But 17 years ago when I was an IT Headhunter, her resume landed on my desk.  I interviewed her for a great start up and she got the job.  She didn’t take it…but she got it.  We hit it off immediately.  And now 17 years later, we’re still amazingly close friends!  Maybe not so random??

Scenario #2 – 13 years ago, I was bored one night and put an ad on a singles site online.  2 days later this guy answered my ad.  Our 12 year wedding anniversary is next month.  Random??

So what started out to be an innocent random act of kindness, may have been a thought and life changing experience for me!  I’m looking forward to seeing exactly why I landed in front of this amazing woman at the Starbucks drive thru!