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motherhood

Wow!  I was just looking at my last post and realized that it has been a very long time since I’ve written a blog!  I have to be honest, there have been some very major changes in my life and I’ve been a bit overwhelmed.

Today I want to talk to my fellow moms.  We understand each other on a level that no one else will ever be able to.  I’m relatively certain that we’ve all gone through similar struggles.  If my words today can help even one of you, then my job is done!

It goes without saying that the single biggest joy in my life are my children.  From the moment they moved in my belly, I was in love.  Possibly even before then.  I also know that being a mom is quite possibly the hardest job in the world.  As I’ve said before, I have 4 children.  My step son is 20 and not living here at the house.  The three that are still here under this very tiny roof are 10, 8 and 5.  My children are very busy little people.  The boys just finished fall baseball (insert BIG sigh of relief) and my daughter is in cheer and chorus.  That doesn’t sound like much for her, I know.  But let’s keep in mind that she’s 8 and being in cheer doesn’t mean just the 2 nights a week practices that she has!  It means tumbling classes, private tumbling lessons, stunt lessons…the list goes on.  I honestly thought All Star Cheer would be less hectic than Rec, but I now realize it’s more so, I just get to be inside rather than outside in the hot Florida summer!

So let’s talk about my current struggles.  My amazing husband, in an effort to better our lives, took a new job.  The biggest caveat to this job?  He is out of state 4 to 5 days a week.  During baseball I thought I was going to have a nervous breakdown.  My daughter’s practices and my sons’ games couldn’t all fall neatly onto my calendar.  We had some doubling up.  I thank God every day for my mother in law that came over every single week to help me.Through baseball I had to deal with my 10 year old feeling sad that he is not as good of an athlete as my 5 year old.  As much as I try to tell him that not every boy is athletic, he still felt bad.  He did his very best, bless his heart, but will not be returning for Spring Ball.  We’re going to try something else for him.  We’re having school struggles this year, and although I would love to blame common core for all of it, I know that isn’t true.  But what is a mother to do when the teacher tells me that he isn’t paying attention and he comes home crying that he was, but they just thought he wasn’t.  I already have him on medication for his ADHD and this year it just doesn’t seem to be helping.  As a result, his grades are suffering.  I cry inside and sometimes outside because I just don’t know what to do!  I’m at the point that I am going to go observe his class to figure out what the problem is!  I can think of no other viable solutions!  He informed me that since he is punished from TV and video games until his grades improve, that he doesn’t live in a house, he lives in a prison.

So let’s move on to my daughter.  Heaven help me, but I am not a fan of the age of 8!  My former sweet little princess has turned into a headstrong, stubborn teenager way before her time!  Her favorite past time is NOT listening to me at all.  I think I’ve begged and/or bribed her to clean her room every day for about a month and it just gets worse.  So tomorrow I will be making good on my threat to clean her room myself while she is at school and believe me she is NOT going to be a happy camper.  New rule…if it’s on the floor when you go to school…it’s in the trash!  Time to stop being friends for a minute and be a mom.  I know you know exactly what I mean.  It kills me to have to be “MOM” but she’s forced me into it!  She’ll hate me for about 10 minutes and then all will be well again.  But that 10 minutes will be torture for me!

And finally my 5 year old.  Unfortunately, since he was VERY premature and spent the first 7 weeks of his life in the NICU (even though he was born 12 weeks early), I have spoiled and babied him.  He is speech delayed, but is in a regular kindergarten class.  He receives speech services.  He is currently an honor roll student and I couldn’t be prouder.  So, what’s the problem you ask?  He’s very whiny has “has to be first” syndrome. Yes, I made that up!  It is a struggle that his teacher has and a struggle that I have.  Although I will admit.  There is improvement.

All of this I deal with mostly on my own because of my husband’s work schedule.  And now we come to the reason for this topic.  I broke down today.  I sat in my office and just cried.  I cried for the simpler times when my kids were younger and all they wanted to do was please.  I cried for my lack of ability to figure out how to help these little people that depend on me for everything.  I cried for a time when schoolwork was actually something I was capable of helping with before it got so complicated.  And I cried for me.  Because I’m alone more often than not and I have no one to lean on until the weekend appears.  I’m here to tell you that it’s okay!  It’s okay to feel overwhelmed.  It’s okay to feel frustrated.  And it’s okay to cry!  I’m also here to tell you that once you get in that really good cry, pull up your big girl panties and figure out what the hell you are going to do about it!  I have lived in a constant state of depression lately and everything has suffered.  My kids, my house, my business.  So tonight, while I was writing this, I decided that it’s time to just figure it out.  Why?  Because I’m a mom and that’s what I do!  People tell me all of the time that I’m Super Mom…I can promise you that I struggle the same as the rest of you.

So until next time…I’ll be here…figuring it all out!!

xoxo mothers